While racking my brain for a title for my blog, I ran across a list of 69 Lebanese proverbs. "He who has money can eat ice cream in hell" was one of the 69 incredible phrases. To be honest, I have no idea what it is supposed to mean. I suspect that something was either lost in translation or somebody had a little too much hashish. Or maybe I'm just missing the deeply philosophical meaning.
This blog will be series of assorted reviews. Please pass this along to anyone bored enough to enjoy it and feel free to provide any feedback. Thanks for reading!
peace,
Moe Long
When I was little my family would almost always visit my uncles' house on Sundays. During those visits the TV was usually on, tuned to what I thought was one of an infinite number of channels, accessible through their cable box. At the time, we had "bunny ears," an obnoxiously large contraption consisting of two antennae jutting out from the stand as a poor excuse for a TV tuner. I think it broadcast more static than channels.
On those Sunday afternoons, the TV was on for some duration of time. One of the most memorable films I remember watching, and one that seemed to be perpetually on TNT and TBS was John Carpenter's "Big Trouble in Little China." I recall several occasions of sitting on the grey pinstriped couch in my uncles' living room staring at the screen and wondering what the hell was going on. Though I watched for a few hours each time, for some reason I never quite knew what was happening. Based on my constant confusion, I assumed that I missed a large chunk of the movie. So recently I decided to rewatch the entire film.
As it turned out, I had previously seen the whole thing. And I didn't really miss too much, or fail to understand anything. I don't think there is a lot to understand. Carpenter weaves together a weak story about a trucker played by Kurt Russell who gets caught in a convoluted plot involving an ancient Chinese sorcerer, David Lo Pan, a group of mysterious magicians known as "The Three Storms," and a Chinese girl with green eyes who isn't actually Chinese.
While the plot is rather bogus, the pairing of John Carpenter and Kurt Russell as seen in 1982's "The Thing," makes the movie incredible. Coming from anyone but Russell, the slew of overly-macho oneliners would be outrageous. Well, I guess it is outrageous as is, but Russell's delivery has a mock-serious tone to it which seems to parody Clint Eastwood's "Man With No Name." Juxtaposing Eastwood's largely silent, cigarillo-smoking, perfect marksman protagonist, Russell's Jack Burton can't seem to keep his mouth closed. As the film opens, Burton is on his truck radio, saying "Like I told my last wife, I says, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides that, it's all in the reflexes." Maybe the scriptwriters were drunk or maybe they paraphrased a Lebanese proverb, but I have no clue what that even means. After being recruited into picking up his friend Wang Chi's girlfriend from the airport, things get a little strange. Chi's girlfriend, the "Chinese" girl with green eyes is captured by the Lords of Death, a gang in Chinatown. To get her back, Burton and Chi drive down an alley in Little China, and from here the movie spirals into a disjointed narrative involving a lawyer Gracie Law, a sketchy Chinese magician, Egg Shen, and the aforementioned Chinese legends. A lawyer with the last name Law? We couldn't be a little more creative than that?
From here they battle the Three Storms and Lo Pan to get Wang's girlfriend, Miao Yin, back from the clutches of Lo Pan. According to an ancient legend, Lo Pan will only be freed from his cursed life by marrying a girl with green eyes. How convenient that Miao Yin happens to have green eyes and by coincidence shows up in San Fransisco's Chinatown.
If you are asking why an ancient Chinese sorcerer, Lo Pan, is in San Fransisco, don't bother, because it isn't explained and none is necessary. This isn't the only thing in the movie lacking a plausible explanation. Carpenter showcases his access to special affects by introducing a number of monsters and various creatures which appear out of nowhere and aren't really questioned by any of the characters. I guess they just thought that everything else going on was so weird that these odd creatures might as well show up and join the party too. One of these monsters looks suspiciously like the odd ballthing from Yeasayer's "Madder Red" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO1y1wJduCo) music video. Though I've Googled the two in conjunction, I've failed to come up with a connection beyond the similarity of their looks.
The film ends anticlimactically. I think John Carpenter realized the movie was spiraling out of control and realized that he needed to bring it to a close, but didn't know how. Jack Burton, Wang Chi, and Egg Shen organize a group of Chinese men with weapons to descend into Lo Pan's lair where they battle the bizarre creatures and the Lords of Death to eventually take on Lo Pan and the Three Storms. Before the final confrontation, they drink some stuff to supposedly make themselves invisible which I think was some kind of drug (as if they need more drugs in this already tripped out film). The final showdown between Burton and Lo Pan plays out like the faceoff in a Western film, only keeping true to the spirit of the film Burton botches and bungles even the moment of triumph. He knocks over some statues, throws a knife at Lo Pan which Lo Pan catches and throws back (at this point I've trained myself to stop asking "why?"), and then Jack throws the knife a second time, finally defeating the enemy.Traditionally, Westerns feature the protagonist shooting down the bad guy right on cue. But if Jack Burton did that, we'd ask for our money back.
As the movie concludes, the romance between Gracie Law and Jack Burton climaxes and the audience expects the pair to drive off in Jack's 18 wheeler. Again, Carpenter debases the audience's expectations and has Jack drive off alone, resuming his radio commentary with one final surprise...one of the unexplained monsters from the film somehow made it's way into the back of Burton's truck. Naturally. For a highly entertaining 99 minutes, check this little gem out. You may want to have a few beers while watching, I think the movie makes more sense that way.
Random Fact: Lo Pan was played by James Hong whose list of acting appearances includes Mr. Chew from "Blade Runner" and the butler from "Chinatown."
Until next time...
This blog will be series of assorted reviews. Please pass this along to anyone bored enough to enjoy it and feel free to provide any feedback. Thanks for reading!
peace,
Moe Long
When I was little my family would almost always visit my uncles' house on Sundays. During those visits the TV was usually on, tuned to what I thought was one of an infinite number of channels, accessible through their cable box. At the time, we had "bunny ears," an obnoxiously large contraption consisting of two antennae jutting out from the stand as a poor excuse for a TV tuner. I think it broadcast more static than channels.
On those Sunday afternoons, the TV was on for some duration of time. One of the most memorable films I remember watching, and one that seemed to be perpetually on TNT and TBS was John Carpenter's "Big Trouble in Little China." I recall several occasions of sitting on the grey pinstriped couch in my uncles' living room staring at the screen and wondering what the hell was going on. Though I watched for a few hours each time, for some reason I never quite knew what was happening. Based on my constant confusion, I assumed that I missed a large chunk of the movie. So recently I decided to rewatch the entire film.
As it turned out, I had previously seen the whole thing. And I didn't really miss too much, or fail to understand anything. I don't think there is a lot to understand. Carpenter weaves together a weak story about a trucker played by Kurt Russell who gets caught in a convoluted plot involving an ancient Chinese sorcerer, David Lo Pan, a group of mysterious magicians known as "The Three Storms," and a Chinese girl with green eyes who isn't actually Chinese.
While the plot is rather bogus, the pairing of John Carpenter and Kurt Russell as seen in 1982's "The Thing," makes the movie incredible. Coming from anyone but Russell, the slew of overly-macho oneliners would be outrageous. Well, I guess it is outrageous as is, but Russell's delivery has a mock-serious tone to it which seems to parody Clint Eastwood's "Man With No Name." Juxtaposing Eastwood's largely silent, cigarillo-smoking, perfect marksman protagonist, Russell's Jack Burton can't seem to keep his mouth closed. As the film opens, Burton is on his truck radio, saying "Like I told my last wife, I says, "Honey, I never drive faster than I can see. Besides that, it's all in the reflexes." Maybe the scriptwriters were drunk or maybe they paraphrased a Lebanese proverb, but I have no clue what that even means. After being recruited into picking up his friend Wang Chi's girlfriend from the airport, things get a little strange. Chi's girlfriend, the "Chinese" girl with green eyes is captured by the Lords of Death, a gang in Chinatown. To get her back, Burton and Chi drive down an alley in Little China, and from here the movie spirals into a disjointed narrative involving a lawyer Gracie Law, a sketchy Chinese magician, Egg Shen, and the aforementioned Chinese legends. A lawyer with the last name Law? We couldn't be a little more creative than that?
From here they battle the Three Storms and Lo Pan to get Wang's girlfriend, Miao Yin, back from the clutches of Lo Pan. According to an ancient legend, Lo Pan will only be freed from his cursed life by marrying a girl with green eyes. How convenient that Miao Yin happens to have green eyes and by coincidence shows up in San Fransisco's Chinatown.
If you are asking why an ancient Chinese sorcerer, Lo Pan, is in San Fransisco, don't bother, because it isn't explained and none is necessary. This isn't the only thing in the movie lacking a plausible explanation. Carpenter showcases his access to special affects by introducing a number of monsters and various creatures which appear out of nowhere and aren't really questioned by any of the characters. I guess they just thought that everything else going on was so weird that these odd creatures might as well show up and join the party too. One of these monsters looks suspiciously like the odd ballthing from Yeasayer's "Madder Red" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QO1y1wJduCo) music video. Though I've Googled the two in conjunction, I've failed to come up with a connection beyond the similarity of their looks.
The film ends anticlimactically. I think John Carpenter realized the movie was spiraling out of control and realized that he needed to bring it to a close, but didn't know how. Jack Burton, Wang Chi, and Egg Shen organize a group of Chinese men with weapons to descend into Lo Pan's lair where they battle the bizarre creatures and the Lords of Death to eventually take on Lo Pan and the Three Storms. Before the final confrontation, they drink some stuff to supposedly make themselves invisible which I think was some kind of drug (as if they need more drugs in this already tripped out film). The final showdown between Burton and Lo Pan plays out like the faceoff in a Western film, only keeping true to the spirit of the film Burton botches and bungles even the moment of triumph. He knocks over some statues, throws a knife at Lo Pan which Lo Pan catches and throws back (at this point I've trained myself to stop asking "why?"), and then Jack throws the knife a second time, finally defeating the enemy.Traditionally, Westerns feature the protagonist shooting down the bad guy right on cue. But if Jack Burton did that, we'd ask for our money back.
As the movie concludes, the romance between Gracie Law and Jack Burton climaxes and the audience expects the pair to drive off in Jack's 18 wheeler. Again, Carpenter debases the audience's expectations and has Jack drive off alone, resuming his radio commentary with one final surprise...one of the unexplained monsters from the film somehow made it's way into the back of Burton's truck. Naturally. For a highly entertaining 99 minutes, check this little gem out. You may want to have a few beers while watching, I think the movie makes more sense that way.
Random Fact: Lo Pan was played by James Hong whose list of acting appearances includes Mr. Chew from "Blade Runner" and the butler from "Chinatown."
Until next time...
